So sorry you had to go through this and your children had to witness it. Living with someone with so much rage is difficult -- I know. I experienced many decades of the same before my first husband died. I hope you have peace in your life now.
... we were never invited back... That got me. I'm glad your life is moving forward now, instead of constantly waiting for all the air to be sucked out of the room, the party and your lungs.
Laura, I love the vulnerable way you share from the heart.
It’s possible to both love and hate someone, to want to be with them, and to wish they were gone. I thought about the ambivalence that often existed in my life for a long time. I felt it might be because of the recurring craziness in my family when I was growing up (and in my current life, at that time) and I was always unsettled and confused by it. Now I know that’s just how it is sometimes. That things simply don’t always make sense. And with alcoholism, addiction, and mental illness, often there simply is no way to make sense of what occurs! And just knowing it was confusing and crazy-making, helped me to accept it without having to make sense of it. So often, when I have allowed people to abuse me, or my family—or worse, when I have been abusive—I have felt overwhelming guilt and shame. When my marriage fell apart, and I chose to continue to go to counseling (after my ex-wife decided not to continue with marriage counseling) my counselor suggested I attend Alanon meetings. I didn’t know there was a difference between Alanon and Alcoholics Anonymous so I said “I don’t have a problem with alcohol”. She responded that Alanon is for the families and friends of alcoholics. I said, “[My soon to be ex-wife] isn’t an alcoholic, and I have no alcoholics in my life”. That’s when my wonderful counselor helped me to understand that what happened in my family because of alcoholism and mental illness when I was a child, continued to affect me throughout my adult life, even though I wasn’t an alcoholic. That was the beginning of the work and thankfully it’s given me a new life.
Thank you so much for this message! I have done meetings, both alanon and coda and agree they have been so helpful for me, especially with drawing boundaries now. I’ve learned so much and am so grateful for the opportunity to continue to learn and grow and get better and have healthy relationships that don’t revolve around instability and fear ❤️❤️
So glad to know that, Laura. Living with that stuff is literally crazy-making. I’m so glad you and I have found our way back towards sanity…. One day at a time 😊
So sorry you had to go through this and your children had to witness it. Living with someone with so much rage is difficult -- I know. I experienced many decades of the same before my first husband died. I hope you have peace in your life now.
Yes, thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️
... we were never invited back... That got me. I'm glad your life is moving forward now, instead of constantly waiting for all the air to be sucked out of the room, the party and your lungs.
❤️❤️❤️ thank you
Laura, I love the vulnerable way you share from the heart.
It’s possible to both love and hate someone, to want to be with them, and to wish they were gone. I thought about the ambivalence that often existed in my life for a long time. I felt it might be because of the recurring craziness in my family when I was growing up (and in my current life, at that time) and I was always unsettled and confused by it. Now I know that’s just how it is sometimes. That things simply don’t always make sense. And with alcoholism, addiction, and mental illness, often there simply is no way to make sense of what occurs! And just knowing it was confusing and crazy-making, helped me to accept it without having to make sense of it. So often, when I have allowed people to abuse me, or my family—or worse, when I have been abusive—I have felt overwhelming guilt and shame. When my marriage fell apart, and I chose to continue to go to counseling (after my ex-wife decided not to continue with marriage counseling) my counselor suggested I attend Alanon meetings. I didn’t know there was a difference between Alanon and Alcoholics Anonymous so I said “I don’t have a problem with alcohol”. She responded that Alanon is for the families and friends of alcoholics. I said, “[My soon to be ex-wife] isn’t an alcoholic, and I have no alcoholics in my life”. That’s when my wonderful counselor helped me to understand that what happened in my family because of alcoholism and mental illness when I was a child, continued to affect me throughout my adult life, even though I wasn’t an alcoholic. That was the beginning of the work and thankfully it’s given me a new life.
Thank you so much for this message! I have done meetings, both alanon and coda and agree they have been so helpful for me, especially with drawing boundaries now. I’ve learned so much and am so grateful for the opportunity to continue to learn and grow and get better and have healthy relationships that don’t revolve around instability and fear ❤️❤️
I'm so sorry. I'm assuming this was close to the end? What a Hell your family endured....
Robert
❤️❤️❤️
So glad to know that, Laura. Living with that stuff is literally crazy-making. I’m so glad you and I have found our way back towards sanity…. One day at a time 😊